Age Gaps in traditional Indian Marriages – The Science & Psychology.

In most Hindu Indian marriages historically, the custom insisted that the groom was older than the bride?

We are not discussing a-decades-ago gap.

An Age difference which have been calibrated.  Most of ancient Indian practices an objective have been wisdom concerning human biology, psychology & sociology other than religious dogmas.

Science, Biology & Psychology:

Science of Neurological Maturity & Cognitive Development:

Our brains reach maturity later than our bodies. More specifically, the development of the prefrontal cortex, the seat of our critical thinking skills & impulses, is completed earlier in girls than in boys.

By the time they get married in their teens & twenties, the girl’s prefrontal lobe has developed fully & may not have yet reached the maturity in a young man of 21 years of age.

Ancient Indian View:

A slightly older husband ensured a more similar neurological & psychological development on the part of the groom & bride when they stepped into the most crucial period of their life.

The man, was to function not merely as an earning & protective entity, but was also sort of guide for his younger, neurologically still developing wife who would eventually in whose hand the family will be.

Emotional regulation & coping with life’s traumas.

Psychology:

Life is a path of flowers & thorns and at times of extreme emotional uncertainty that invariably plague life & in deep crises, our immediate physiological responses might differ.

The response to shock & fear-men & women react differently.

Many women respond by becoming hysterical or withdrawing in sheer anxiety while some men become physically aggressive &others withdrawn.

Ancient Indian View:

Anticipating these differences, a groom was preferred who was able to offer a more detached &there by a stabilizing presence at the time of crises.

So, it was prudent to have a marginally older, often calmer &more rational counterpart helping in preventing panic & managing volatile situations.

Biological ageing & reproductive capability:

Biology:

There is interplay of age-related biomarkers in reproduction. Most women are more health consciousness. Most men are careless of aging symptoms until 30 years.

So, as time passes on both are in the condition with equal amount of energy, strength, physical prowess, even intellect too.

Ancient Indian View:

Physically better balanced life is possible with a wife younger than the husband where a premature ageing wife is a less of a bother then as compared to an aging man as the children’s would have grown by then. 

Age gaps &Behavioral Impacting relation patterns:

In cases of marriages where wife is elder than husband leads to the role of husband almost as child or a younger brother or even like a mother-like, which often can disrupt the balance of role-play & vulnerability.

Ancient Indian View:

When bride is older than the groom it is more challenging for them to accept dependence on her husband.

Ultimately what is important is that both partners accept vulnerabilities in order to foster deep connection & compromise where the older partner’s role can become more authoritative while younger partners are more yielding.

Longevity & Grief Coping:

Statistically females live far longer than men by approximately five to ten years.

The behavioral outcome in cases of husband dying first:

Death of a husband results in considerable distress for most Indian mothers because this often leaves the woman alone to raise & protect her children but they are able to cope up with it as they have more psychological endurance.

But in cases of the death of wife & leaving the man all alone it is found that usually he crumbles emotionally goes into a very lonely & depressing phase & usually their die earlier than in normal circumstances. Also, it is difficult for him to help a daughter whom a mother can do best and with Sons as they grow up out of fear or other reasons maintain a distance from fathers.

Hence, having a younger wife ensures some protection against premature separation & the accompanying psychological turmoil.

Conclusion:

The ancient Indian traditions were not superficial; they were early forms of social engineering for psychological & physical survival.

Therefore next time when you see any mention of age differences between the partners, remember that behind all these traditions lie a rich understanding of the human mind & body which they had gained through ages of practical knowledge.

This article is by the Author Jeevan Gopalan: 

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