The Tragedy of Forced Perfection - Suicide! "I'm sorry, Mom & Dad. I let you down because I couldn’t get the marks you wanted."

Why Parents need to Stop Comparing.

Are we teaching or driving our kids crazy?

As children, all of us would have faltered at mathematics, bumbled over science or just been "off" on exams. As soon as we became parents, however, something strange happened. We suddenly felt it was natural & fitting to expect our children to compete with & perform like the very best.

We project our highest aspirations onto our children & picture them as exclusively doctors, engineers or high ranking officers. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting our children to excel us & lead fulfilling careers. However in this aspect, we often disregard the basic nature of human beings.

No two humans are alike in terms of health, intellect, intelligence or analytical skills. Every child is born with a specific set of talents & a set of frailties; most of these are ingrained within their very DNA. We can either encourage or negate these traits to some extent, but we have to remember that they are limitations that genetics imposes on us.

Take an eagle for example. From several thousand feet above, it can spot a small rodent & swoop down & perfectly grasp it. This ability is genetically coded in the eagle's DNA. (Read MARGA - the Alien Code, to dive deeper into the intricacies of this process.) Through rigorous practice of living a deadly life of a predator, some eagles may hone this skill better than others, but the fundamental ability was always there to begin with.

Likewise, every child is born with an area of enormous potential & an area of restriction. Whilst with practice & education these weaker skills could be elevated, it would be unreasonable to expect the child to be able to compete with someone else whose genetic predisposition already lies within that field.

The Myth of Rote Learning

Even if the child is forced to memorize an entire syllabus to achieve good results in an exam, eventually he or she will collapse in real life. Real intelligence lies in analytical & problem-solving skills; the memorized facts would mean nothing when subjected to the stresses of a job, as they would fade away without analytical support.

Every person is born with an intrinsic purpose that must not go beyond genetically defined limitations. This wonderful diversity is what society needs in all professions & areas of life, it is why we have artists, singers, writers, scientists, doctors, engineers, mechanics & so on.

The natural calling of a child is & will eventually be revealed, if we care to look for it. True parenting lies in the discovery & encouragement of these innate talents, identifying the child's emotional motivation & guiding them into a suitable career.

Conversely, the act of forcing a child to compete with his neighbor, cousin or relative, isn't only ridiculous; it can be deadly. It is this toxic comparison that causes desperate youngsters to commit suicide, leaving heartbreaking notes like "I'm sorry, Mom & Dad. I let you down because I couldn't get the marks you wanted."

Parental psyche controls the success & downfall of a child's future.

A word to all parents: Stop the comparisons.

The moment we compel our children to compete with a neighbor, a relative or a friend, we've created a psychological catastrophe. This is why kids end their lives & leave these dreadful messages like "I'm sorry, Mom & Dad. I didn't get the marks you wanted."

The emotional lives & deaths of your children rest completely within your hands.

Celebrate unique talents:

Identify the natural talents of your children & nurture them to build self-esteem from childhood.

Redefine failure:

Remind your child that failure is merely a part of life before exams, not its conclusion.

Prioritize character:

Knowledge without integrity is always a tragedy. Focus on developing strong moral values in your child first.

Let us raise complete human beings rather than trophy items of social prestige.

We must end the stigmatization of certain jobs. Would a doctor or engineer be able to construct something with the exact finesse of a master carpenter or bricklayer? Absolutely not. Whatever job your child is employed in, so long as he or she is not engaged in criminal or illegal activities & earns their money honestly & ethically, it is & should be an occupation that parents should be proud of.

If anyone attempts to compare their son or daughter to yours on the basis of profession or marks, they should be reminded that they will not be able to duplicate your child's skills.

Let’s reiterate: Do not make children kill themselves. Lead them & teach them according to their capabilities & desires. Remind children during the exam that failure is a stepping stone to success & not a negative experience. You should make it a point to never allow them to measure their capabilities against that of other children, family members or friends.

Every single individual has a unique talent given to them by God, which others simply cannot imitate. Encourage those particular skills & you will see children who can stand taller than anyone.

Apart from God, the emotional wellbeing of your child rests solely with you. Do not ever forget that.

And lastly knowledge without character will bring personal tragedy. An educated child with no morals will fail as an adult; when you are not there to watch the pain. Prioritize their values first.

Here’s to your journey in nurturing a healthy, happy & truly fulfilled human being.

To learn more about how Ancient Hindus emphasized true, value-based knowledge over mere academic rote learning, read my other blog post here:

Sculpting Character: Ancient Indian Wisdom for Modern Parenting

https://jeevan-gopalan-author.blogspot.com/2026/01/childs-character.html

Echoes of Takshashila: Gurukul - Reclaiming the Soul of Indian Education - Time Travel for Education in India.

https://jeevan-gopalan-author.blogspot.com/2026/01/a-time-travel-for-education-in-india.html

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