Murder - Domestic Tragedies: Reading the Red Flags & Finding an Escape

 

In India, homicides within the household are rarely unexpected.

There's almost always a gradual build up of tension, a sequence of warnings that can be detected from a mile away if people were simply paying attention. Relationships don't unravel over a night; the unraveling is always messy, prolonged and highly visible to people outside. If we are able to identify these warning signals & intervene in time, we can avoid almost 90% of these tragic deaths.

There's no monopoly on malice:

It can seep into anyone. Modern Indian society increasingly embraces certain worst features of the Western civilization like hollow relationships & extreme toxicity while at the same time, dismissing most of the society's healthy aspects. The Indian society should instead learn from the West to acknowledge its negative traits instead of flaunting them & follow their humane traits & policies instead of its harmful ones.

The number of unnatural deaths continues to be on the second position & tragically over 80% of these homicides happen within the four walls of a home, turning it into a crime scene from a haven.

In the end, it's the children who are ultimately victims of domestic wars. The psychological trauma from watching severe violence has permanent deep emotional scars that strip a child of their childhood for the rest of their life & can only partly be dealt with.

To counter these horrific crimes a collaborative effort from couples, parents, other family members, NGOs, the society & the government is needed. Although we cannot eradicate the threat of domestic violence altogether, a co-ordinated endeavor can reduce it by almost 80%.

The Causal Factors of domestic violence

Most fatal domestic conflicts revolve around a few predictable causes:

Substance abuse:

Alcohol is a major contributing factor to escalation in any relationship. It's increasingly common among both men & women of urban areas. The consumption of alcohol causes an inevitable loss of inhibitions & eventually arguments spiraling out of control. Majority of domestic homicides resulting in the death of female victims occur while they are intoxicated with alcohol. Maternal intoxication with alcohol severely destabilizes the home & makes children grow with inherited trauma that passes to later generations.

Financial stress:

Economic strain has often been cited as an instigator of extreme fights between partners. Partners need to find a mutual way to resolve these disputes either by making extra income or adjusting their lifestyle within the limits of their available resources. Financial responsibility lies on both the shoulders.

External interference:

Relationships are almost always strained by intervention of family members or friends causing petty drama. The couple should ignore the external influences as family partners & their child must take first priority.

Infidelity:

While romantic novels, soaps & cinema may tend to glorify or romanticize extramarital affairs, reality reflects broken trust, rage & violence.

Gendered Pattern in Extremes

When violence is inflicted, it is characterized by different gendered patterns of perpetration:

Male violence:

Men usually kill in impulse on spur of the moment triggered by sudden rage, jealousy over some alleged or true infidelity or due to drinking & fighting or long sustained verbal argument. Where chronic verbal hostility exists there is always a chance of de-escalating the dispute. To 'win an argument' & stand equal to the women who are defiant will lead to death of women.

Key lesson for women:

A volatile temper will not always announce its presence beforehand. Recognize warning signs of volatile temperament & remove yourself from the situation as protection is available for you under law.

Female violence:

Women usually kill pre-meditated. Physical strength difference ensures that it does not happen on the spur of the moment. Usually it involves using of poison or taking assistance from third party. Statistically extreme means are almost always linked with a parallel love affair & murder happens at the stage where husband learns about the extra marital relationship & that the crime puts the women's financial stability or property rights at stake. Either they walk out empty handed or take their husband's life to ensure possession of family property.

Key lesson for men:

If the trust of partner is destroyed then continuing to live under the same roof itself will risk you. The only man who stays behind & continues to live there is a man with no regard for his own life. Do not remain in a toxic relationship & save yourself walking away from it for comfort or ego.

Conclusion: Power to Choose

It is entirely within our power to choose our fate & the kind of environment we wish to live in. We need to shun pride, social stigma & fear to secure our own life & love the idea that choices made in the moment of anger will be faced later by you. Recognize your warning signs & leave the marriage or relationship that is unredeemable & fight for your life.

This article is by the Author Jeevan Gopalan: 

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