Sculpting Character: Ancient Indian Wisdom for Modern Parenting
Fundamentally, a child is a mirror to its parent. For that
very reason, a child’s character can be said to be the most crucial legacy we
are likely to build.
When you want to create something meaningful for the ages, you do not do it haphazardly. You research it, consult with experts, you study its history, you seek examples from its past & pour all your energy & love into the construction of that great endeavor. This is how I am approaching the construction of these blogs, to mine for and synthesize historical & profound traditions of Ancient India with that of modern psychology in order to produce something worthy. Yet, any & all of these principles will not take root without complete congruence of both parents, to move as one with a shared vision.
The Modern Parenting Landscape
Parents face uniquely challenges to instill strong character today. While it is certainly not true that every child is facing challenges, the prevalence of problematic behavior among children appears to be on the rise. More & more, children are using their physicality rather than their words to express what they need or how they feel. If they do not have a word, they can communicate a reaction with physical actions.
The rise of rudeness, arrogance & even aggression, which often occurs when a child’s interaction with others becomes a problem of the past with modern hyper-individualism, has emerged with bullying. Children too often resort to quick, careless, impulses that fail to consider either their own character integrity or that of others. Selfishness easily becomes the default behavior. If one is looking for an immediate picture of a child’s behavioral tendencies, look no further than the dinner table. It often proves to be the ultimate barometer where the behavior must manifest so that it may be positively directed.
The Vedic Vision of the child
In India, the child is revered. Our ancestors saw each youth as the architects of their future, the keepers of the fire, who would carry & pass on the best practices to the next generation. With so much riding on this investment, no detail was left to chance, the entire better to prepare for what was considered a very profound & serious task. Ancient Vedic culture was & is deeply concerned with a child’s health, intellect, demeanor, education & life skills.
Ideal qualities a child was expected to cultivate were:
1. Satya (Truthfulness):
No lying, even in fun.
2. Shaucha (Cleanliness):
Body & mind both are to be maintained in a pure state.
3. Akrodha (Tranquility):
There should not be anger & aggression.
4. Anasuya (Free from Jealousy):
Not to have negative feelings at the good fortune & success
of others.
5. Akshama (Free from Impatience & Resentment):
Have the ability to forgive.
6. Alobha (Non-greedy):
Be non-covetous, charitable nature.
7. Udyoga (Diligence):
Have an alert & dynamic nature.
The child was also expected to obey his/her parents, based on a rather simple, reciprocity-based principle: "I owe them this out of obligation for the gift of life & upbringing."
The Sanskaras: A Timeline of conscious development
To this end, each Vedic civilization employed the 16 Sanskaras or sacred rituals, which were rites of passage designed to nurture the psychological & spiritual development of a child.
Conception and womb:
GarbhSanskar (prenatal education)
Early Pregnancy:
Punsavan&Seemantonnayan (healthy development &
stabilization)
Birth:
Jaatkarm(initiation of feeding ghee & honey)
Infancy:
Naamkaran (naming) &Nishkraman (outings)
Childhood:
Annprashan (first solids) &Mundan (hair cutting ceremony)
Education:
Upnayan (initiation as a pupil) &Vedaarambh (studies of the
vedas)
Adulthood:
Keshant (puberty ritual) &Samavartan (graduation)
The Sanskara process begins during a child’s pre-birth stage with GarbhSanskar, or the “education of the fetus” that is based deeply in Ayurveda & has to do with the mental state of the pregnant woman, her emotions & her immediate environment. These Sanskaras continue through a birth ritual called Jaatkarm, education & spiritual initiation with a Guru in the Upnayan ritual, culminating with Samavartan, signifying the entrance into conscious adulthood.
Modern Blueprint for Character Development
You may say that, in these modern times, these practices are
unworkable. And you may well be right in regard to the ability to enact the
same way; but the foundational tenets can easily be incorporated in a modern
approach to character development. This way, one need not worry so much about
raising behavioral, selfish children & we will not see instances like this
at the dinner table every night:
Radical Modeling
Children are naturally mimetic; they take after parents whose
honesty, fairness and kindness they admire more readily than they will take
after lecture & rhetoric. When a child sees their parent embodying the calm
& contentment that an honorable &good nature brings, they will surely
strive to emulate them.
Empathy & emotional intelligence
Parents should work to help children see from another’s
viewpoint, build resilience with an empathic understanding & make it so
that they understand how their actions directly affect the people who are
surrounding them; this behavior, in turn, will slowly chip away at those
children who are destructive with their words & thus begin to instill ability
for empathy. In other words, tell them, "That was a hurtful thing to say &you
will need to apologize to that child." Instead of attacking the
character of the child, try to take the child aside, when their actions or emotions
have begun to run wild &in turn will start to teach the child the emotional
literacy of how to use words to say, "I do not like it when you do that.
What is wrong?"
The Art of Compromise and negotiation
While boundaries must be maintained; strict authoritarian rule
is not necessarily beneficial. Listening actively is a key part of good
parenting. So, when a child proposes that they wish to deviate slightly from
the rules in favor of a reasonable argument for a change, like perhaps a few
minutes longer before bed due to being in the middle of reading, take it as an
opportunity to compromise. This not only enables the child to realize the
importance of seeing both sides of a problem & finding a common ground with
another human being but allows for him/her to grow & not rigidly cling to
the importance of one rule when a more pragmatic alternative seems appropriate;
kitchen-table arguments such as these are what lay the groundwork for teenage
& adulthood compromise.
Dependability and accountability
When you ask a child to do something, they must know it's not
just an option, that their words are binds. But in addition, when they do what
is asked, give them a bit of personal satisfaction in knowing they did a good
job & do it consistently. If they have faltered, help them to not look for
an excuse, but for a reason that they have not yet learned; & learn from
it; children must learn their words are important within the family & the
community as a whole.
Swap Screen Time for Storytelling
Lose the iPhones &tablets for one hour a night & bring
back oral traditions of our ancestors. Reading ancient tales from the Ramayana,
Mahabharata or Panchatantra, where metaphors hold a much more profound
psychological power over a child’s subconscious than anything else we could
possibly provide him/her will set a child on the path of good character
building.
The Long-Term Investment
Building a child’s character is not an overnight event; it is a
slow, compounding investment that requires unwavering consistency. By bridging
ancient Vedic psychology with empathetic modern communication, you provide your
child with an unshakable foundation shaping them into individuals who will make
you & society, immensely proud.
Jeevan Gopalan – Author/Writer
“To be persuasive, we must be
believable; to be believable, we must be credible; to be credible, we must be
truthful.”
Edward R. Morrow
“A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.”
Albert Einstein
“People with personal integrity always try to do the right thing. It takes courage to do the right thing whatever the consequences.”
“Character has to be established through a thousand stumbles.”
“Character is repeated habits & repeated habits alone can
reform character.”
“Be honest & say, “I see the ideal but I cannot yet approach it”; but do not pretend to give up when you do not. If you give up, stand fast.”
Swamy Vivekananda
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